Working...

I've been a stay at home mom with Brenna for the past year, but the past couple of weeks have had the opportunity to go into the office 1-2 days a week. It sounds like they may offer me the chance to work even more than that this summer. I think I like being at the office, surrounded by fun co-workers, talking about adult subjects, working on things that the progress is measurable... that I actually feel like I can do and do well.

Motherhood is so immeasurable... it is a day in, day out kind of grind. Sometimes thankless. And I definitely don't feel good at it. I have noted many times with my other mother friends that parenthood is one of those jobs where everyone is constantly comparing their ability and their child's abilities with everyone else and coming up short. Probably even the mom with the amazing genius baby who at age 1 can read thinks that she isn't doing something right. The constant interaction with a one year old definitely doesn't come naturally to me. I could handle the baby stages more easily, but as she gets older, I really realize how much I really don't know about teaching her, disciplining her, even playing with her. And often I really dread those things. So the break of the office is really nice, but then along with the enjoying being gone all day comes the guilt... I should WANT to be home with her all day, shouldn't I? Seriously motherhood is a trip...

She fell today from her high chair while I was gone. Thankfully she is ok and wasn't seriously hurt. But how scary is it that she could be seriously hurt while I'm at work (like it would be any better if I was home, ha. I don't have the control anyway)? And then the babysitting thing... gotta figure out someone that I trust to take her during the days.

Things to think about as I re-enter the workforce even on just a part-time basis.