Still clueless

I haven't used posted in blogspot very much b/c I'm still trying to figure it out. I have blogged for years now on livejournal, but I can't access that site from work, so I think I'm going to try to transition some of the posting to this site. My job is pretty slow, so I need some distraction during the day. Blogging has always served that purpose well (at least until I stopped being able to access LJ from work). So here we go...

It is Friday... yay... favorite day of the work week!

I finally made it to the gym last night for the first time this week. I think i might've hurt my knee though. Hopefully it is just strained a little and will feel better by tomorrow. It is pretty stiff and sore today though.

It has been over 2 years, almost 3 years since my mom died. It'll be three years October 12th. Her birthday was a few weeks ago and since then I've been really missing her. The thing with grief is... (at least my experience so far) is that it ebbs and flows. I am having a hard time describing this the way that I want to... but basically, sometimes dealing with her death is easier than others and lately, it has been really hard. And I feel like people are sick of hearing about it... b/c I'm sick of being sad about it, so how can I expect someone else to want to hear about how sad I am? And I've discovered that it hurts the most when something else goes wrong b/c it reminds me strongly that I don't have her to call and talk to about whatever problem I'm having. So it makes whatever problem I'm having that much worse. And I'm wondering... will this ever stop? I can't remember exactly what she looked like anymore or what she sounds like... I used to hear her voice on my dad's voicemail occasionally, but my dad switched phone services and with that, her recording is gone. I still remember that she loved me and always found the time to listen to whatever problem I was having... even if she was in the middle of something else. That's just not something that is really replaceable. When my mom first died, I asked someone else who had lost a parent a few years before if it got easier... they responded "not easier, but different. You become able to manage it." I suppose that this is what they meant.

On a much lighter note, I really want to figure out somewhere to go out of town on Labor Day weekend. I don't know where, but I want to be out of Charlotte for awhile... perhaps somewhere in the mountains. *shrug* We'll see if I manage it or not. I guess I *could* go see my family (they live in Boone), but that's always stressful, so isn't my top choice really ;).